Don’t let me be gone.

[Twenty One Pilots – Goner] 

GIGANTIC HUGE TRIGGER WARNING: THIS POST IS ABOUT SUI AND TRIGGERS. STOP NOW IF THIS WILL AFFECT YOU. This is an open letter to the lady who felt so low last night, that she went up to a railway bridge and threatened to end her life.  This hugely, hugely shook me up, as it’s similar to a situation I almost placed myself in – and then seeing the Police and Ambulance services at Harrogate station broke me totally. But, I wanted to reach out – because I know how much one small gesture can mean.

Dear friend,

I know that’s a strange way to start a letter, especially as I’ve never met you, and I don’t know who you are. But we both share an illness, and both have seen the dark bottom.

When my train was held to make sure that no harm came to you, I’ll admit I was tired and I just wanted to get home. But equally – you had one friend on that train. No matter what, I’d have sat there for as long as it took to make sure you were safe and kicked anyone’s ass who got shitty. Because I’ve been, almost literally, where you have.

Earlier this year, I’d had it – and I was walking on the pavement beside the train track, getting soaking wet as it was raining, blasting the song that titles this blog entry, and I was thinking about the same things you were. I felt useless. I felt like I was just making everything worse by existing. I wanted to find a way through that fence, and do what I felt needed to be done.

I didn’t though. I got home, and I cried bitterly in the shower. Couldn’t even get that right, eh?

Your head keeps telling you lies though. I promise you this – because mine does this too. Here are three things that I need you to remember, though:

  1. YOU ARE LOVED
  2. YOU ARE NEEDED
  3. YOUR LIFE IS VALUABLE

I’m begging you – please accept the help that you’ll be given. You’re worth every bit of their time – just like the rest of the people. You’re worthy of their help.

I’m so sorry that things got this bad, I truly am. But things can get better, there is hope.

I won’t let you be gone. 

Stay safe.

Peace and love.

 

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